The light at the end of the tunnel that I was talking about last week. It's not the light I was hoping for, but I'm praying SO HARD that it will still shine in it's own time.
I want to go back to 'my special country' for a little boy, a little boy that I feel is my own child when I look at him. Like he 'belongs' with us.
We have just run across roadblock after roadblock with trying to make it work in OUR time. MY time. Which is NOW ;)
I am so hoping and praying it will be soon, but it's looking like February or March 'IF' it does happen at all. That's a looooong time. Especially for him to wait, he's already in an institution. But after Artiom's adoption and all the time we spent there, Rich doesn't have enough vacation days left this year even IF we had the money.
So we wait.
And I am trying to listen to what direction He wants us to go in....but I always twist and turn it to meet MY wants...especially when it comes to adoption. But that's easy to do! I mean, we all know He wants us to love these children who have nothing and no one. To take in the 'least of these' ....
But honestly, we are so blessed by Artiom, with his sweet innocent nature...he teaches all of us what Gods kind of love is. Pure, easily given, gratefully received, from his imperfect little body but with his perfectly beautiful little soul.
He (Toma) can't speak, yet says so much, if only we slow down to listen.
Now I'm totally off subject here....
But adoption is such a beautiful thing. It's easy to get off subject :)
I sure would appreciate your continued prayers about the little boy we want so badly to bring home.
OK, I'm getting real tired of these....if you click on them they bring you to somewhere nasty. Not nice. Why would someone bother to do this on nearly every single post....only to spread evil. So, how do I block these? I'm not computer savvy, but I changed the comment thing to registered users....instead of anyone.
Man, it was sooooo long of a day today. We left the house at 6:30 am and got home at 6:30 pm! Way too much for one day. We had 7 different appointments at 2 different hospitals. But it's all done and we don't have any more for a while :)
The MRI results sounded good, atleast the ones I saw. The brain looked good, and that was my big concern.
The cleft surgery should be in a couple months, we have to still coordinate a couple of different procedures to be done at the same time.
You ever notice that some doctors have such HUGE ego's that there isn't really any room left for a personality???
Toma had such a long day, he just took a bath and is in bed already. He is really worn out, he fell asleep in the chair at one appointment :) And he NEVER sleeps out of his crib.
I'm still bugging Shane, my 18 yr old, to download the pictures from the last couple of days.... I've really got to get my own camera and learn how to do this myself!
It was long and busy, but all in all it went well.
At the renal ultrasound we found out that he only has one kidney.
At the ABR we found out that he has impaired hearing in his good ear, as well as his bad ear, so he will need hearing aids on both.
I didn't get any results on his brain image, or skeletal issues....hopefully tomorrow I'll know some more.
His EKG went well.
He screamed like he thought he was going to die at the X-rays, and he had to have a lot of them!
He had to have a lot of sedation, and so it took him a little longer to come out of it. Like almost 2 hours.
Tonight he just looks tough, he really needs to go to bed :)
Up bright and early in the morning, we need to leave the house by 6:30 am! Yikes. That's early for us.
He has 5 appointments tomorrow, then hopefully none for a while. Top of my list for the next round of appts is sedated dentistry, he REALLY needs that done, and of course the cleft palate. Then we're still working on the glasses and hearing aids.
Can you imagine what his life would have been like if he had stayed in an institution all his life? He wouldn't be able to hear, to see well, to speak, and he probably would have withered away from malnutrition. Thank God we found him, and he found us :) He is SUCH a blessing.
I'll post some pictures tomorrow, after Shane downloads them from his phone. I always have a headache on the appointment days.....so I was trying to figure out why. All I could come up with is that I usually wear the same pair of capri's because they're my only 'nice' ones. They are also too tight. So I have come to the conclusion that the headaches are a result of lack of oxygen...yet....I had a piece of cake at the hospital.
in the morning he has his sedated MRI, and renal ultrasound, and ABR, opthamology test, and probably some things I'm forgetting.
I'm very excited to see what he has for inner ear workings on the bad side, because we can go from there to determine what to do to restore hearing.
I'm also very excited, but somewhat nervous, to see his brain function and to see whats wrong with his kidney. I may find out things that I had no idea about....but I sure hope not. Either way, we'll deal with it and keep moving forward :)
He's such a sweet little guy. By FAR my easiest child. He's so happy, well unless we're at the DR!
Please say some prayers for this weeks appointments :)
On my last post I said I was enjoying the summer....that's not exactly true. I have been wrestling with my emotions and my desire for something that is so great...yet...so unattainable.
It's a struggle I can't get past. I want to adopt a specific little boy so bad, but it seems like , I don't know, maybe GOD is saying 'no'. If He isn't saying no, He sure isn't making it easy to hear the YES.
WHY would He have put this child so strongly in my heart if I can't go to him? That doesn't make sense to me. In fact, it makes me kind of mad. And in turn, depressed.
I'm tired of trying to 'talk everyone into it' and do whatever it takes to make it work! My poor husband is at his wits end...trying to find a way to not say 'no' to me....yet not seeing how to make it work. The stress is getting to him, so I know I have to back off.
But if we don't make a decision FAST we won't complete the adoption in 2010 , which would mean no tax refund until 2012, and that's NOT a great option for us.
I find submission SO HARD. I think I hate it in fact. I feel like it's 'giving up' and I can't stand the thought of that. This little boy needs someone who is NOT going to give up on him, or he'll be there the rest of his life. He's already almost 6, and in the adoption world, that's old.
So, that's where I'm at. Just kind of 'out there,' confused and discouraged.
And no matter how many times someone tells me that maybe God is trying to tell me something, like 'he isn't for us' or 'maybe I need to focus on the kids I have'...that won't do any good, because I quickly reject that. Then I just sit here and stew.
So there. That's what's REALLY been going on with me.
You ever get in a total funk and can't seem to get out of it???
we haven't had any appointments lately and that sure has been nice! I haven't felt good the last few days so I got behind on the blogging. The kids have been making lots of crafts this week and we have a lot of pictures to post but I can't find the cord to the camera again. But when I do, I'll show you all what we have been up to :)
70% of the time! Yes, we are making progress each time.
He has a BIG day coming up on the 19th when he will have a sedated MRI and catscan and genetic testing and eye check and ABS to test for his hearing and Renal ultrsound ALL IN THE SAME MORNING! I am really excited to see just what he has in there for an ear canal and cochlea and all that...and I learned about a little device they can put on the outside of the 'bad' ear to restore hearing, called a baha, I think. Even if he doesn't have the proper 'inner workings' if I understood it right. So that's exciting :)
He was SO happy to get home and get back to his pool! He's also getting better about letting me comfort him somewhat, and not putting his arms out to anyone and everyone! Baby steps. :)
I am learning with him that he needs to LEARN what love is and not only HOW to love but how to RECIEVE love. Its completely new to him. He has never had anyone there to love him. To comfort him. From the day he was born he was 'alone'... left to fend for himself, with no nurturing.
I'm surprised he's as sweet and gentle as he is. (although I did see him 'head butt' Michael the other day :)
But hey, we ALL feel like doing THAT sometimes!
(just kidding of course, Michael is my big sweetie) ;) ;)